Facebook Group’s “Greetings, Rejects!”
Beth Lawler, who began the Facebook group, Caption Contest Rejects & Enthusiasts, has posted “Greetings, Rejects!” a fun cartoonist-centric homage to The New Yorker‘s annual holiday poem, “Greetings, Friends” (originally written by Frank Sullivan, then Roger Angell, and now Ian Frazier).
My thanks to Ms. Lawler, and group member, Carol Lasky (the idea for the poem was Ms. Lasky’s), for allowing me to run the piece here in its entirety. Contributors are listed at the bottom of the post. Here’s how the piece was introduced, followed by “Greetings, Rejects!”:
As 2022 comes to a close, we’re taking a page from The New Yorker‘s annual “Greetings, Friends,” Ian Frazier’s poetic tribute to the people who made the passing year special. A merry band of Rejects has created this community poem to express our endless gratitude for the cartoonists, living and deceased, who fill our lives with joy.
To all the cartoonists we haven’t included, please know that we love you too!
To all the poets who find our verses less than epic, we beg your forgiveness.
GREETINGS, REJECTS!
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
Each Reject hopes to have a shot
At becoming the universally admired buffoon
Whose caption is chosen for The New Yorker cartoon.
Sure, we may be clever, original, artful and punny
But our wordplay is nothing without the creators of funny—
It’s these artists of consummate skill and rib-tickling attitude
Who, one and all, deserve much heartfelt gratitude…
We laugh when cartoon figures are witty
If their faces look like thumbs, thank the artist Tom Chitty.
For all your witty retorts and more magic than Hogwarts
We thank you, Ben Schwartz.
If I could look through the eyes of P.C. Vey
I would probably scream and run away.
He’s heard more offbeat characters than a prison chaplain
Thanks to Bruce Eric Kaplan.
For cartooning news, we get our fill
By relying on Michael Maslin and his Inkspill.
Tell us, Roz Chast, who does your wallpaper?
Your weirdos must be breathing the strangest vapor.
There’s Handelsman, Stevenson, Duffy, Haefeli and (RIP) Ross
Krimstein, Johnson, McPhail and Blitt (the cover boss).
Pat Byrnes is dark and somewhat twisted
Life is weird, high society assisted.
No matter the scene, whether subway, clinic, or mall
Joe Dator throws shade like no one but RuPaul.
Barsotti, you crazy bastard!
We miss you.
You bet your Escher’s ass
Robert Leighton is a great cartoonist.
Boat christening or boat bris
Thanks, Alex Gregory, it doesn’t get funnier than this.
Dishing chicken soup for the criminally insane
Michael Shaw‘s ten submissions a week are never in vain.
The end is near! The street prophet’s unsunny.
David Sipress‘ memoir tells us What’s So Funny.
History can be learned in part
Through the works of cartoonist David Borchart.
Sitting on a porch, watching the world go by, is where I’d like to be
But I’d like it even more with Frank Cotham sitting next to me.
Brilliant cartoons, comics and Daily Shouts by Emily Flake
There’s an abundance of ways she provides her comic take.
Saluting Schoenbaum, Wilson, Levin, Koren and Downes
Fleishman, Harris, Hoey, Dai and countless other clowns.
With 400 New Yorker sales to her name
They don’t get much bigger than Barbara Smaller.
The satirical giant drawing political defiance
That’s Christopher Weyant.
Leo Cullum said, “Never, ever think outside the box.”
If I’d listened when he told me that, I’d still be alive since I’m Schrödinger’s cat.
Beastial beauties trash the rooms of Ed Steed
Admit it, we’d be lost without his eccentric stampede.
Drew Dernavich got his start by etching gravestones of those just passing
Now his cartoons cause us all to just die laughing.
Lars Kenseth‘s cartoons are always fun
I’d stick my neck out for him if I had one.
From Snow White’s dwarves on roller skates to tangled-up giraffes
Victoria Roberts isn’t using tin cans and string to just phone in the laughs.
Bob Eckstein has reached cartooning fame
We recognize his work without him signing his name.
Old Bob Mankoff had a pen, E-I-E-I-O
And with his pen he made a cartoon, E-I-E-I-O
With a dot, dot here and a dot, dot there
Here a dot, there a dot, everywhere a dot, dot
Old Bob Mankoff had a pen, E-I-E-I-O
We’re rich with a wealth of pigeons by Harry Bliss
Seriously, is there anything better than this?
Mick Stevens put a dog in a fish bowl and it looked awfully glum
Will it be stuck in there if it grows? Is that a terrarium?
It doesn’t feel like the Renaissance to Kaamran Hafeez
Now we know the real reason rhinos rub trees.
Sam Gross would not give the caption contest the time of day
But no matter, we still love him anyway!
Thanks to Chatfield, Campbell, Suits, Warp and O’Brien
They make it look easy, like they’re not even tryin’.
Send help for the tropically marooned Ellis Rosen
How about this caption? We hope it is chosen.
Mike Twohy‘s cats have a few other projects they’re excited about
They came back as gods, of this there’s no doubt.
In his green dental practice, patients spit out in the plants
John Klossner‘s alligator sure knows how to dance.
For the famed pen and paper of Ziegler…to Spaulding and Kuper
Kudos to Hankin, Gerberg, Fradon and Weber—all super.
Matt Diffee‘s cartoons are for smart, attractive people
His pigeons express themselves in Pollack-inspired fecal.
A special bow (wow) to the Essential George Booth
His Skittish Dog will be eternally uncouth.
Liza Donnelly, we hope your caveman who climbed his rock stairs
Remembers what he went up there for.
He’s not a sad clown, he just killed a man in prison
Salmon pants fashion by Paul Noth is prime for derision.
Tom Toro‘s disappointed aliens will refuel at the next rest stop
Good news! The shareholders will come out on top.
New Yorker cartoons for 30 years were the greatest from that-a-man
Gone too soon, the incomparable Danny Shanahan.
Zombie-like snow people, caveman grilling huge drumstick
Bottle of ink with a shrink, all thanks to Paul Karasik.
The Egyptian contestants would like to buy a fowl
Thank Liam Francis Walsh for making us howl.
When a disco ball lights Wheeler‘s way
We know Shannon had too much coffee that day.
Let’s end the year with a shout to Larry Wood
Who lets us know if we’ve been bad or good.
____________________________________________
Credits:
The poem was the brainchild of group member, Carol Lasky.
Additional contributors, in no particular order:
Paul Nesja, Edo Steinberg, Beth Lawler, Chris Randall, Rachel Knight Cameron, Daniel Helming, Wayne Kline, Barry Hodges, Scott Malcolm, Martin Ruddy
Glad you enjoyed the poem! Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah to all!
–Beth
Coming to Ms. Lawler’s defense— obviously a rhyme of passion.